The Yellow Trail
I’ve been on a spiritual journey. I’m constantly seeking messages and guidance from my spirit guides or angels (like my father Maurice, or my great-grandfather AG) to determine if I’m on the right path in my life. These messages from the spirit realm have increased in frequency and importance over the last several months, and March 31, 2021 was an incredibly important day of my journey.
On that day, I was called to go on a hike at Garret Mountain Reservation. It’s near my home, so it’s convenient to go in the morning after taking my son to school and before the workday starts. I noticed that I didn’t have anything on my calendar until the afternoon, so I figured I would spend more time and try to do the most challenging trail on the mountain. This trail, the Yellow Trail, goes around the entire mountain - up peaks, across overlooks, down declines, along streams, near a lake and so on. I recently did an easier one, the White Trail, and made a promise to myself to do the more challenging one my next trip to the mountain.
I started the hike at 9:30am. I intended to turn on my fitness tracker on my phone and listen to my Are + Be playlist on Spotify - but 5 minutes into the hike, my phone died. I got a few pictures in before this happened, but I was okay with not having music and instead listening to the sounds of the mountain. Right before the battery died, I had this magical experience with a family of deer that were on the peak right next to me. I made eye contact with several of the creatures, and just thanked God for blessing me with that experience. I then continued on path.
I noticed that the Yellow Trail was marked by these yellow tags that would be affixed to trees or posts to guide hikers along the way. It would be very easy to be turned around, because at some points of the trail all you can see is mountain, sky, and trees. I noticed that if I was careful with my footing and looked up for the yellow tags every once in a while, I would be fine. I felt comforted by this and likened it to the spiritual journey - those yellow tags were just like the messages that I receive from my spirit guides to let me know I’m safe, and that I’m on the right path.
Throughout this hike, I just kept thinking about what I hoped to find. What was waiting for me at the end of this trail? What am I meant to learn from the universe today? What do I need to do? What is waiting for me at the end of this journey?
I thought about my marriage, my family, the connections that I have in my life that sustain me. I thought about difficult decisions that I’ve been facing, hard truths I’ve had to learn about myself and others, and what I could do with these gifts that I’ve been given. For a long time, I’ve sought love and acceptance from others outside of myself. The little girl inside of me that craved the love of her father is still seeking that love from people that could never fill that space. I realized, while on this path, that I would be searching until the end of forever if I kept looking for other people to fill me up. I have the love of so many humans - family, friends, my children, my partner - and all of these are blessings. I cannot fret over feeling like someone isn’t loving me the “right way”, the way that I’ve been searching for. I need to thank the Creator for bringing these people in my life that love me the best way that they can. I realized that the love that I truly need, the only love that I am actually lacking, is the love that comes from myself. I am the only one that can fill that space. Exhale.
Ever so often on this trail, I would be blessed with an amazing view or some man-made structure designed for me to rest or seek shelter. I paused in those moments and admired nature and the Creator for all of its beauty. I continued on the path.
Halfway through the hike, I came upon a pond. I paused to reflect and think about what this lake could be symbolic of on my own journey. It was peaceful and majestic - and many animals were taking nourishment or shelter from it. I enjoyed the time at that lake, but realized that even if I was meant to find it, even if I found it beautiful, and it nourished me, it was not mine. I had to thank the Creator for this blessing, keep it in my heart, and move on.
When I made that decision, I turned around, and was surprised by an older man standing at the edge of the lake. He was so quiet - letting me enjoy my moment - that he startled me for a second when I turned to see him there. He was dressed like a nature photographer: wide brim hat, galoshes, binoculars, camouflage camera and Patagonia jacket. He mentioned to me that they had just added a bunch of trout to the lake, and that he was there to watch the birds that would be coming to enjoy the fish. I immediately recognized this man to be another blessing to me on this journey, so I stopped to talk to him. We spoke about birds and their migratory patterns (something he was REALLY excited about), and so many other things. He was a humble, gentle soul - and I could tell he cared deeply about God’s creatures. He casually mentioned that he worked at a hospital, and I thought to myself that he must be an administrator or something. When we came to talk about COVID, I asked, and discovered that he was actually an interventional radiologist! He told me about his Chinese American wife and all that they had endured, and I shared my work and what I hope to bring to the world. We had such a rich discussion and I was truly inspired by him and his wisdom. He also gave me the advice to tell my mother with lupus to get the vaccine! I heeded this, and continued. I will never forget the gift of Dr. Grant Price, who found me a few days later and sent me this beautiful photo of a yellow-throated warbler.
It had started to rain, and I recently read that walking in the rain helps you clean your aura. I held my arms out and accepted this gift also. I continued on my path.
I walked by a stream with a pair of ducks enjoying the fresh water, and came upon a little shelter to admire. I kept on the journey, but came to a fork in the road. I went left, went through some mud, but didn’t see the yellow tags. I wanted to keep forward since I knew where I was, but my intuition told me to go back. I turned around, found the map, and realized that I was going in the wrong direction. I corrected my course and continued walking on the right path. Exhale.
I came upon a very steep incline. I had to climb and focus on my breath. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. I was in a hurry to get through this part and get back - and when I looked up, I realized I was off the trail again. I had gone down a very deep decline and slid through some leaves. I looked around and all I could see was an expanse of leaves and trees. No yellow tags. I looked back up the way that I came, trudging up a steep incline to get back to safe ground. When I did, I thanked my spirit guides for that gift and for keeping me safe. Amen.
As I continued on my journey, I kept wondering what was waiting for me at the end of the trail. What will I learn? Who will I be drawn to? What will it mean? I came upon a few more steep climbs, but felt comforted in knowing that I was nearing the end. I could see a landmark (Lambert Tower) in the distance, signaling that I would soon complete the tail. As I got closer and closer, I knew that something meaningful was waiting for me at the other end. Would it be the self love I was seeking? Would someone be there waiting for me to meet them? What?
I looked up and around, and saw something so magical that my feet stopped moving, and my eyes immediately welled with tears. There, etched into the side of the mountain, was my great-grandfather (and angel’s) name: AG.
The tears kept coming, and I got closer so I could feel the stone under my fingertips and feel his presence even more. Even though I knew my phone was dead, I reached for it, and turned it on to have just enough energy to take this photo. AG let me know that he was there with me - that no matter how fearful I might become of the path that I am on, he will always be there to love me and guide me. That hole that I hope to fill? He’s waiting for me to accept that love from Beyond that was always there. He and the Divine Creator love me more than I could hope to understand, and this journey that I am on is to fully embrace and experience that love so I can heal others with that loving energy. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, God. Thank you, AG. I love you. And I love me.
àṣẹ
